Oldies but Goodies

I like old things. Old cars. Old motorcycles. Old furniture. Old people. Explains the whole "retro" part of "Retro Brett," doesn't it? When we moved to the apartment, it was a little sad that so much of our old/old-themed things had to go into storage. I know it's silly but I'm really looking forward breaking open that storage locker. The things I miss most? Well, here's the list.

1. Late 60s/Early 70s Sears Spyder. Maybe our best ever Goodwill find. It’s a 24 inch, 5-speed, glittery pink banana seat bike. It took a lot of effort to clean it up (new tires, tubes, cables, white cable housings, brakes, and a lot of polishing compound).



2. Late 60s/Early 70s Huffy. Another banana seat bike from Goodwill. Smaller than the Spyder. I rode it to work once and my back hurt for days. The wicked wheelies I can pull on it are worth the pain. Again, major cleaning and fixing up involved.

3. Arcade Cabinet. I finished this a few years ago so it's not technically old. It does, however, play a ton of classic arcade games…even does so legally. Each player has a joystick and ten buttons. That’s 28 switches between the two players. With two wires per switch and two connections per wire…sheesh…that’s 112 tiny, tiny soldered connections. Sorry for the bragging. My wife and I are fond of Asteroids.

4. Bookcase. My first attempt at building real furniture. Sliding doors. Low and long. Again, not really old but it's definitely a throwback to Mid-century modern design à la Brett.

5. Drawing table. Not old. Doesn't even look old. Still, I miss it.

6. 1984 Tomos Bullet A3 moped. Serious restoration on this one. I call it the Star Spangler. So lame it's cool.

Canned Ham: Ouch

In my offering of the greatest spam email subject lines I've received, I need to note one thing: I am not correcting any spelling or other grammatical errors made in the text. Sometimes, those errors are the best part.

This one caught me off guard:

You missed your Pain tolerancy test on friday

Yeah, about that test, Doctor…I probably don’t need to reschedule that.

Who, exactly, was the sender trying to lure? Were they thinking they just might reach someone that really did miss a pain tolerance appointment?

Fitness to get the Heart Racing

There's a cemetery across the street from my apartment complex. I went jogging on its paths last night when it was already a little dark and stormy. Is that creepy? It didn't feel too creepy. In any case, it was a great run and I'm feeling pretty good about it.

As a side note, my previous comments about running and the zombie uprising have prompted me to refer to the workout as "going on patrol".

Book Review: Perelandra by C.S. Lewis

First, a note…Perelandra is the second book in C.S. Lewis’ space trilogy. The first being titled Out of the Silent Planet and the third being That Hideous Strength. I have read but have not reviewed the first book. I should but it's been a couple months since I finished it. I would, however, highly recommend reading it.

So, Perelandra…wow. This is a powerful book. Reading it took me a long time—not because I didn’t like it or because it was “slow” but because I could only read a few pages until my brain felt overwhelmed. It’s deep. It’s difficult. It’s incredibly fulfilling. Many parts I had to reread…sometimes because I couldn’t wrap my brain around what was being said but, other times, because I simply enjoyed the story and the writing. After every stint at reading Perelandra, I felt spent. Like I'd been tensed up for the duration.

Essentially, Perelandra is an Adam and Eve story. Without giving away too much, the main character, Ransom, is transported to a “new” planet. There he meets the planet’s Eve. Not only that, he meets Eve’s tempter. The dialog between Ransom, Eve, and the evil one is fascinating and it goes a long way to putting into words the temptations we face everyday.

[Warning: slight spoiler ahead]

I also found it…invigorating, I guess…that the evil one is not defeated (and Eve saved) by Ransom’s human reasoning. No. Ransom, empowered by God, thrashes the evil one. It’s a throw down. A slug fest you might see in Rocky or Rocky II. Probably Rocky III. The fight in Rocky IV is pretty good, too. Anyway, not all battles with the evil one are nicey-nice, intellectual debates. He's the great deceiver and his lies can be incredibly convincing. Don't think Satan will hesitate to fight dirty. It's his forte. But, with God, we can take what Satan dishes out. We win.

Of course, if you read the book, you'll have to supply your own Survivor music.

Goodbye De-Luxe Apartment

Alright! We found a house! Barring some kind of extreme unforeseen circumstances, we should be moving to Fishers within the next month. Interestingly, the place isn’t really what we were looking for. Initially (and throughout most of the house search), we had been looking for an older house. Something with swank. Something with a good sized yard. Most likely a ranch.

What we found, instead, is a newer 2-story house, smack in the middle of a housing addition. We walked through it last weekend and liked it a lot. It worked for us. The price was right. And, even though it didn’t “look” like what we wanted, it “did” everything we needed. We liked it even more after the nearly flawless inspection last week. Specifically, here’s how the place weighed in:

1. It has a tiny yard but there are two parks (one provided by the housing addition and one by the town of Fishers) just a short walk away. We’re minutes away from playgrounds, a place to picnic, and even baseball diamonds. All without me having to mow a baseball field-sized yard. Maybe I'll even check out a reel-style mower.

2. It’s smaller than the house we had before but that’s actually a good thing. We wanted less wasted space and we’re hoping it to keep our family close…physically, at least. Even still, it’s big enough for us, our hobbies (sewing machine, drawing table, workbench), and our friends when they visit. Besides, it’s less space to heat, cool, and clean.

3. It’s newer than we wanted but it’s also more efficient than most of the things we looked at. Newer windows. Newer furnace.

4. It’s on a slab. No worries about a crawlspace infested with mold, mice, or C.H.U.D.

5. It’s in a great neighborhood. There’s a family we’re close with from church whose house we can actually see from our driveway. They truly know their neighbors and, from what we understand, the neighbors are awesome…a real community. They even vacation together. Amazing. We’ve already got planned babysitting nights set up.

6. It’s a reasonable commute for me to go to work. And it’s only minutes from my wife’s job…close enough that, on the weekends she works, I can drop her off or she can ride her bike without our trading cars.

7. The public library is a bike ride away.

8. Close to church.

9. Close to everything else we actually care about…HamCo’s Recycling center, Super Target, Hardware stores, Greek’s Pizzeria, etc.

10. The price was right where we wanted it. The savings puts us a few years ahead in our saving for college and retirement. Enough so that more having more kids is not a financial question. It also frees us to pursue other things that weren’t previously quite as feasible...a lower paying/more fulfilling job for me, maybe more school, adoption, more charity, or even a big project like the restoration of an old car. Add to that the lower utility bills, and it’s a score.

11. The house has been well maintained. The water heater is only a couple years old. The roof was new with last year’s hail storms.

All this adds up to a house that’s move in ready and doesn’t consume either a) all our money or b) all our time. We’re pumped!

Canned Ham

Like most people, I generally despise the junk email that fills my mailbox. So, I applaud the advancements made in targeting and filtering out such spam. Still, there's a part of me that misses some of the mail. That part of me...is the funny part of me.

I'd be fine with eliminating all spam were it not for the 1% of all these messages that actually brighten my day. These elite messages feature humorous, intriguing, and ofter downright confusing subject lines. Oh, I don't open the messages. I'm not crazy. But over the last several years, I've archived the best of the subject lines. That's where this blog comes in. It seems like the perfect place to share this tidbits of humor. I hope my 4 loyal readers enjoy them as much as I do.

Today, I bring to you the subject line that started it all: [drum roll]

Wonderful Dynamic Equity Reportduckling

I received this, interestingly, at a time while I was busy designing many, many reports for work. Anyway, what's a "Reportduckling"? Why are they dynamic? Equity? To all these questions, I answer "Idunno". In any case, here's a nice Report Duckling sketch drawn by a friend of mine.

Book Review: 2 Amazing Stories

Why didn’t anyone tell me that reading non-fiction could be fun?! Seriously, I stumbled upon a couple good reads recently.

The first was titled John Ringo: The Gunfighter Who Never Was by Jack Burrows. It’s the story of a man seemingly lost in not only the Old West but also in popular culture. The biography was interesting in the fact that Ringo has to be one of the most famous unknown people of the west. He shows up in just about any book or movie, that involves the Earp brothers. But, more often than not, he’s only used to provide the perfect foil to Wyatt Earp. In fact, he was a real person...just one that no one really knows. So, he can be written to be whatever is needed to make a good story. Usually these depictions are tainted more by a historian’s opinion of Earp than they are actually representative of Ringo, the man. If the writer is an Earp fan, Ringo is a cowardly drunk. If they aren’t, Ringo is a chivalrous marksman feared by all. In the midst of that, he’s everything in between. In the end, Ringo is still a mystery. But, even while I still feel I only know what Ringo is not, I thoroughly enjoyed the book.

The second book was titled Treasure Islands by Cameron Platt and John Wright. This book follows the search for several buried treasures in addition to filling in the actual stories behind the treasure. I tell you what, those pirates were brilliant and crazy. Some of the ingenious lengths they went to in order to hide their stash is incredible. Amazing engineering, traps, and viscous backstabbing abound. And that was just the treasure hunters. The pirates, themselves, actually come off looking pretty good. I think my favorite account was one involving a treasure on Mahé island. The treasure (still undiscovered as of the publishing of the book) was supposedly hidden somewhere on the island but what makes it interesting are the clues. In various places on the island are hidden clue, one pointing to the next, that loosely follow the 12 labors of Hercules. Bravo to Olivier La Bouche (aka La Buse, The Buzzard) for making his loot worth reading about.

Book Review: It’s Superman by Tom De Haven

I finished reading It’s Superman by Tom De Haven awhile ago but I’m just now getting around to wrapping up the review and posting it. Anyway, before reading the book, I perused the reviews on Amazon.com and I was not surprised to see several very negative comments. Whenever someone takes a new look at a much loved and established character like Superman someone isn’t going to like it. I, on the other hand, really enjoyed the book. Here’s why:

1. I really liked the setting. Seriously, if the concept of guys running around in tights is going to work (if it ever does), it really needs to be against the backdrop of circus strongmen, Flash Gordon serials, and dirigibles…all of which are sadly lacking in today’s society. While I have very much enjoyed the recent influx of superhero movies (i.e. Batman Begins, Superman Returns, X-Men, Spiderman, etc)--I even like the somewhat updated costumes--it’s hard for me to picture them in the modern world. Have you ever seen the production still of these movies? You know, Spiderman eating a bagel or Superman reading the paper. Ridiculous. I’m only reasonably sure some movie lighting and editing would help. I’m absolutely sure that throwing a tommy-gun-toting racketeer into background would do it.

2. I like that the story gets the reader from Clark Kent to Superman. That is, there’s a transition between the two. The movies tend to give us the Superman. TV’s Smallville gives us Clark. What they often don’t do is meld the two. If I see Superman in a movie, it’s hard for me to envision him growing up on a farm. Likewise, I love Smallville but the Clark Kent portrayed isn’t the kind of guy to put on tights and a cape. It’s Superman not only explains how Clark gets to Metropolis but it even explains the cape and the S on the chest.

3. I liked that the Superman and the world of the story, is in keeping with my understanding of the original Superman created by Jerry Siegal and Joe Shuster. So much of the current incarnation of Superman gives us the good guy/boy scout/black and white feel. Not that the original Superman wasn’t a swell guy but he was a greater reflection of the time period in which we was born. He didn’t simply “right wrongs” but he actually had fun with his powers. He could make smart comments and he had no qualms about giving a thug a good thrashing. Amazon’s reader often criticized It’s Superman for straying from the Superman story and, yes, there were liberties taken but I’m thinking it was actually more in line with the feel of the original. If you read some of the original comic strips, it’s pretty surprising.

4. The characters are multi-dimensional. And, no, this does not mean the story spans multiple dimensions.

5. It makes it clear that Clark has a hard time “fitting in.” Not everything is a breeze for the man of steel.

6. I simply enjoyed the writing.

So there you have it. A good read if you're a Superman fan.

Batman Battles the Ottoman Empire!

An exciting event occurred this past weekend. Batman was in town! In fact, he was visiting the local Ashley Furniture store, chillin’ with the citizens of Westfield, and grillin’ inside his tights (it was a sweltering afternoon). Batman was even kind enough to let his fans take a seat in the Batmobile!

So, Jesse met his first superhero and Dad was there with the camera. It was a good time. I was careful NOT to accidentally refer to Batman as Bru…I mean...never mind.

The Longest 400 Seconds of My Life

After warming up with a short jog, I hit the track last night. Utilizing the wicked slick sports watch I got for Father’s Day, I clocked myself at a 6:39 mile. Ok, so it wasn’t quite 400 seconds. Very close, though.

While certainly not horrible, that’s really not that great. Especially since I only ran a mile. That is, my goal was to run 1 (and ONLY 1) mile and it wasn’t part of a 5K or anything. Here’s what I learned from the experience:

1. I am out of shape. Those middle 800 meters hurt like the dickens. My legs didn’t feel that bad but I thought my lungs were on fire. My cardiovascular strength needs the most help.

2. I am simply out of practice. It’s been so long since I’ve run a mile (and paid attention to the distance) that I had difficulty estimating what I could do. Am I running too fast? If I speed up, will I collapse? When it was done, I’m pretty sure I had a little left to give. Had I known, I definitely would’ve pushed myself a bit more.

Anyway, it wasn’t a bad run. There’s certainly room for improvement and now I know.

Fitness? Fit-THIS!

Despite my previous entry regarding my views on jogging/running, I have failed to follow through with my plan to run parking lots. There really is no excuse for this. I fear I will find myself woefully unprepared for the zombie wars.

That being said, I went running the other night. It was the first time I’d done so for quite awhile. Much to my surprise, it went pretty well. I’m not really of fan of road running so I jumped the fence behind the apartments and tackled the practice fields of the local high school. I can’t say how far I ran. Nor can I even document the length of time I ran. I do know I ran far enough to make that post-run fence jump back appear pretty intimidating. (Note to self: Zombies probably can’t climb fences!)

I’m planning another run for tonight. I’m contemplating a trip to the school’s 400m track to see check my mile time. It's well know that zombies excel at the distance runs so I’ll really need to put some space between myself and them within the first mile.

Jackpot!

During my recent car search, I contacted many, many dealers regarding specific advertised cars. Even with the most helpful of dealers, this effort was largely uneventful.

All this lack of eventfulness changed today when I received a follow-up email from one of the dealers. Essentially, this email was a simple survey asking whether I was still in the market for a car. You're probably asking where this story gets exciting. Well, here is comes! The email is paraphrased below:

Subject: [dealer name] offers a penny for your thoughts.

Text: We are always trying to find better ways to serve our clients... so in my efforts to serve you better, how about a penny for your thoughts..

So, they've offered a penny for my thoughts not once but twice! Surely this is no mistake. I, for one, am pumped about this prospect. I answered the survey and tacked on the following:

Were you serious about the penny offer? If so, I work reasonably close to [dealer name] and might be willing to stop by.

I haven't checked with a lawyer but, if I'm not mistaken, we've have entered into a legally binding contract. I'm hoping they don't try to back out of the deal. If so, I'll be ranting about it here.

Civic-Minded Naming

Yes, the new car has a name. After much consideration, it came to me while feeding Jesse the other night...the car shall be named "Rhonda." For the first time in my life, I'm considering a last name for a car. Currently, in the running is "Chivek" and "McCivic." I think both work.

I'm sure we'll be close enough that we can simply use first names.

Dedication

We celebrated our infant dedication this past Saturday at our church home of Northview Christian Life. It was an extremely moving experience. More than once I could feel the tears welling up and I had to simply bow my head in awe. Taking that public step--with Jesse’s grandparents, great grandparents, and several family friends (not to mention several hundred semi-strangers) to witness it--meant a lot to us. It was a terrific way to welcome the Mother’s Day weekend.

It's called a baby dedication but it's really more of a parent dedication. It really is a demonstration of our willingness and commitment to raise Jesse to be the Godly man the world so desperately needs. Ultimately, it’s a showing of our desire to raise Jesse in such a way that, one day, he can choose to commit himself to God. While the public statement was awesome. I have a similar routine almost nightly. I hold my main man in my arms and say a prayer with him just before bedtime. Sometimes he's asleep. Sometimes he's trying to grab my glasses. Anyway, I pray for God’s blessing, guidance, and wisdom in raising Jesse. I pray for the courage to take the actions God requires of me. I pray for God’s protection over Jesse and his Mommy. I pray for the little man’s health and growth. I pray for a good night’s rest for all three of us. And I pray for a night devoid of leaky diaper (only for Jesse).

It's a big deal.

New Wheels

I looked at a lot of cars. I mean A LOT of cars. Seriously, I checked out everything from a 1963 Dart to a 1984 Corvette. I have little doubt that my search drove my very patient wife crazy. But, the search is over…I have a new-to-me vehicle. I scored a one-owner 1995 Honda Civic EX last night. It could use some work with a buffer but, otherwise, the thing is in great shape.

The car doesn’t really have the “cool-factor” I was going for. I mean, compared the Firebird and Cutlass convertibles I considered, the Civic is downright lame. I mean, can you see a Civic with a massive, fiery bird on the hood? THAT’S just silly.

So it lacks the swank of the Firebird. That’s sad but ok. It’s difficult to argue when I look at what the Civic does have going for it:

1. Roomy enough for me to buzz around town with my son.
2. Fuel efficiency.
3. Reliability.
4. A zippy VTEC engine.
5. Rides and feels like a go-cart.
6. A power sunroof (It’s not a convertible and it doesn’t have t-tops, but it’s decent).
7. 5-Speed manual transmission (way fun).
8. The name is a palindrome.

I’m hoping it all adds up to something I can keep and enjoy for a very long time. Maybe even long enough that I can scrimp and save enough to splurge on that project/hobby vehicle I’m always looking for. That being said, I’m not ruling out the possibility of a giant flaming hood-bird flying into my future.

Now all the Civic needs is a name. I've already used The Red Scare so that's out. The Baked Bean? Scooter? Any suggestions?

Them Duke Boys

The car to end all cars is officially available on eBay. It’s not just a General Lee. It’s THE General Lee. Or, at least, one of the very few REAL General Lees. It’s really a shame I don’t have the $2 million + to splurge on it. Seriously, there are replicas at the Auburn Collector Car Auction on a fairly regular basis and each one takes my breath away. Even a non-General Lee Charger of the era quickens my pulse. Paint it orange, throw up the “01”, play some Dixie, and my knees get a little weak.

I’ll tell you what really disappoints me with the listing…the complete lack of a VIN. I’m sure it’s probably old enough that it doesn’t have the full 17 digit VIN (though I could be wrong on that) but I’d love to run a CarFax report on it. I image is would read something like this:

12/14/1979: Vehicle Totaled - jumped ravine

1/4/1980: Vehicle Totaled – Jumped semi carrying Boss Hogg’s slot machines.

1/11/1980: Vehicle Totaled - jumped river

1/25/1980: Vehicle serviced at Cooter’s Garage. Later totaled.

2/8/1980: Vehicle totaled damaged while doing that “up on two wheels” trick in daring rescue of guest star Loretta Lynn.

2/15/1980: Vehicle Stolen, used in bank heist by look-alike owners. Totaled while jumping barn.

2/22/1980: Vehicle totaled during skirmish with Mean Green Machine. Damaged by stray dynamite arrow

2/29/1980: Vehicle reportedly used in theft of orphanage money. Later determined to be a replica owned by Boss Hogg in attempt to frame those Duke Boys. Vehicle totaled while jumping Hazzard construction.

De-luxe apartment in the sky

Well, I've been busy but I've obviously not been busy blogging. In the month since my last post, we’ve sold our house and had a surprisingly smooth closing. The actual move? Well, that was less smooth but moving is always such a pain no matter what It would've been a lot less smooth without our friends to help out and, for them, we are truly grateful. Believe me, the fridge and the arcade game wouldn’t have made it out of the house otherwise.

So, we’ve semi-successfully truncated roughly 1100 square feet from our living space. Ouch. It does hurt but we are learning to live without luxuries like couches, full size washers and dryers, and mopeds. I think the thing I miss most is the back yard for our dog. It rained this morning and taking her out to do her business was not at the top of my priorities. The experience will certainly help us appreciate our next living quarters.

In some most excellent news, my prodigal notebook has been found! The notebook was no big deal but it contained some ongoing creative writing that I was sorely missing. I was to the point where I’d simply accepted that it had been put into storage only to be found when we moved. Luckily, my ingenious wife suggested a yet-to-be-searched bookcase and there it was!

In closing, We're a movin' on up!

Dressing for Success

In local news, there is much talk regarding a proposal in enforce school uniforms in the Indianapolis Public Schools (IPS) school district. While I haven’t taken any polls, my understanding (at least from the few people that called the local morning radio show) is that most adults approve of the idea.

In most of all cases, I am NOT for the powers-that-be telling me how my child should be raised. For instance, I could (and may) write a separate blog entry with my questions regarding the implementation of full-day kindergarten. However, I’m not opposed to school dress codes. I know it won’t eliminate the typical social classes in schools but I do believe it will help remove some of the distractions clothing can cause. Who knows, maybe I would’ve scored higher on my AP Physics exam if the girls in my physics class were limited to only one, mostly boring, outfit. Probably not…but it’s a decent theory. And, as a parent, if it keeps me from arguing with my kids about what they wear to school, that’s even better.

I can see one drawback to uniforms. If everyone wears the same thing, how will they later be able to look back at their school photos and say “I can’t believe I actually wore that!”? Seriously, what’s going to be the point of your yearbook if you can’t laugh at your skinny tie, the white suspenders hanging off your shoulder, or your acid washed jean jacket. That’s why I would like to especially support highly embarrassing school uniforms. A school full of parachute pants or pink IZOD polo shirts (oh, wait, those ARE back in style) would certainly get my attention.

I would likewise support uniform haircuts if they involved heavy, heavy feathering.

Farewell, Speedwagon

Speedwagon is gone. I just handed the keys to my Pontiac Vibe over to the new owner. I feel like there’s a station wagon shaped void in my soul. I’ll miss the car…it was my first new car and it is still an excellent vehicle. Seriously, I think it was a good decision on my part. I found it a good home and the new buyers were very excited to find the car. I think they were even more excited than I was when I first bought it.

What do I do now? Well, several transportation options are under consideration. A small pickup? Some kind of sporty, fuel efficient, Econobox? There’s a certain Fiero nearby that, despite being completely impractical, I’m finding difficult NOT to consider. In any case, I will not be purchasing another new vehicle…probably ever. And whatever I do get will be cheap…cheap enough to allow plenty leftover from the sale of Speedwagon to make a good dent in our upcoming house down payment and/or what we still owe on The H-Bomb, my wife’s car,.

In the meantime, I’m hitching rides with my wife. Maybe I’ll bum transportation off of my coworkers. If the weather is decent, I can ride my bike to work. It’ll actually be kind of fun. Mayby not as much fun as building the Lego Vibe above but, still, fun.

2007: Reading List

Now that it’s March, it seems like a good time to lay out some of my plans for 2007. Among my many goals, I really want to spend more time reading. I don’t know why I don't currently spend more time in a good book. I’m sure I could make excuses but there wouldn't be much substance to them. The point is, I do enjoy reading. Plus, reading is probably the second best thing I can do to improve my own writing (another of my goals for the year).

Anyway, my initial list for the year is as follows:

1. The Bible
Do you italicize that? Anyway, I just finished 1 Chronicles. My goal isn’t necessarily to finish but, rather, to both read and comprehend what I read on a regular basis.

2. Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper
I’ve flipped through the book and it looks good. Beyond that, I don’t know much about it.

3. 48 Days to the Work You Love by Dan Miller
Career books are hard for me to read. This on is recommended by Dave Ramsey so we will see.

4. The Modern Library Writer's Workshop: A Guide to the Craft of Fiction by Stephen Koch
I’m actually fairly deep into this already. Good stuff. There have been several things regarding writing and storytelling that are defintely contrary to my previous notions of the process. It makes more sense than my thinking.

5. The Physics of Superheroes by James Kakalios
I like physics. I like superheroes. Learning is fun. What could be better?

6. How to Write Funny: Add Humor to Every Kind of Writing by John Kachuba
This has been on my shelf for a long time. Need to dig in.

7. World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War by Max Brooks
I believe some of the Amazon reviews on this one referred to it as leftist propaganda. Others said it was rightist propaganda. Personally, the political leanings of the undead are of no concern to me. I'm much more interested in simply surviving the zombie threat.

8. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J. K. Rowling
I can’t NOT read it.