Canned Ham: Excellent Timing

Short but sweet:

15 minutes is almost instant.

Almost instant, eh? I would say it's infinitely distant, time-wise, from instant but that's just me. Maybe it's a lot closer to being instant than, say, 16 minutes.

2 Guys and a Truck (ok, 5 Guys and 2 Trucks)

As of last Thursday, we’re in the house. Jesse spent last Wednesday night at his Grandparents, we stayed up late working on some last minute packing, and we met the movers at 8am the next day. And, let me tell you, the movers (Two Guys and a Truck) were awesome. After only 3.5 hours, 2 trucks, and 5 guys (+myself) everything was at the new house. They were fast, courteous, and careful. It was amazing.

Then came the unpacking and, so far, so good. We immediately got to work on Jesse’s bedroom so he’d have someplace to sleep that night. Our bedroom went together pretty quickly, too. Over the last few days, the kitchen, family room, and most of the rest of the house got unpacked and situated. There’s still a lot of stuff in the garage and one bedroom is full of office/art/craft stuff but things are definitely coming together.

This is not to say there isn’t still a lot to do. My moped and lawn mower are still stored at a friend’s house. I kind of wonder if the lawn mower is going to run when I get it…I did absolutely nothing to prep it for storage. Well, if it dies, I really will think seriously about one of the reel style mowers. It would definitely be better on the environment. And, of course, we’ve still got boxes at my in-laws.

As for the house, we love it and we especially love the neighborhood. We’ve visited both parks (walking distance from the house), a neighbor couple brought us a pie, and everyone we’ve met has concluded the conversation with something along the lines of “If there’s anything we can do to help, don’t hesitate to ask”…and it feels like they actually mean it. We commented last night how it was great just to see so many people out. You know, people walking, riding bikes, having family baseball games at the park. People were actually waving to each other. I also thought it was cool that the dad across the street was playing football with a dozen kids in the cul-de-sac last night. Cool for the kids. Even cooler for the dad.

And, my commute? 25 minutes flat. Not actually much different than living in Westfield, only 5 miles from the office.

Count to Five

A few random things:

1. Jesse is crawling! And standing up at the table! The little guy's on the move.


2. I happened upon this article about another fun thing that's fallen victim to the latest streak of recalled items. It's an arm wrestling video game that, apparently, has resulted in a several actual broken arms. Ouch. I especially like the distributor's comments about how "The machine isn't that strong...". Kind of adding insult to injury.

3. I sold my first round of comic books the other day. I posted them on Craigslist here in Indianapolis as a last step before putting them on eBay and, amazingly, someone in Maryland wanted them. Anyway, they were issues 1-5 and 9-12 of the 1986/1987 Watchmen series. They went for my asking price which was probably low but I'm happy with the result.

4. Several weeks ago I was reading through the list of the Top 100 Sci Fi movies on the Rotten Tomatoes site. It was an interesting look at an extremely varied genre and I found many films that I had never seen and several that I would like to see. I started by watching Westworld (see it on IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes) and was duly impressed. Definitely Michael Crichton's precursor to Jurassic Park. I followed that by watching Futureworld, the sequel to Westworld. Well, there's a good reason why Futureworld is NOT in the Top 100 movies. That reason...it's awful. Seriously, the worst movie I've ever seen that didn't involve Crow or Tom Servo. Consider yourself warned.

5. Moving Day is tomorrow! Wish us luck.

Comic Revelations

It’s finally come to this. My celebrated weekly Comic Book day is no more. Sure, publishers are still cranking out comics, new books are still showing up in shops on Wednesdays, and I’ll probably still track new releases but, officially, there are no titles I regularly purchase. None. I never thought this day would come. But two things happened to facilitate the change.

First, the handful of titles I regularly picked up eventually dropped off my list. Some were miniseries books that ended as scheduled. Others were dropped because I decided I simply didn’t care about the stories. Either way, they went away.

Second, I grew tired. As much as I looked forward to comic book day, I grew weary of watching the distribution lists to see what was coming out each week. Likewise, I got tired of waiting, buying bits of story each month to see “how things turned out”. Even the best stories were rarely worth the wait. And, if the story turned out lame after waiting so long, I was infuriated. Most recently, I dropped a title because its content quite suddenly grew inappropriate. Not only do I not want to buy that book anymore…I really want to get the whole lot out of my house. That’s the problem, it’s impossible to tell how good something will be until it’s already been. And it doesn’t help that comic books have gotten more and more expensive while I’ve remained impossibly cheap. It’s one thing for me to see a comic book and think “I can spring 3 bucks to see if it’s any good.” It’s another thing to know that you’ve really got to spring $20+ over the next few months. Ouch. There are a lot of other things I can do with $20.

The solution? Well, I’m not sure. There’s a trend in comics to collect books in graphic novels. They’re not as collectible as individual books but I like that I can have the complete store right now. I especially enjoy that I can read reviews of the entire story before buying in (some I can even pick up at the library). I know it’s silly but I also kind of like the fact that I can put them on my bookshelf. If I have the individual books I keep them stashed away in boxes and I never look at them. The novel, though, I’ll shelve but actually pull out and thumb through periodically.

Anyway, I’m looking at selling off some of my collection. We'll see how that turns out.

Goodness, Goodwill!

I have a problem with Goodwill. It’s not that I don’t like Goodwill. In fact, the problem is that I like it too much. I don’t normally enjoy shopping but Goodwill is the exception (ok, bookstores and the comic stop too) and I often find myself stopping just, you know, to see if that have anything super cool. Often times, there’s nothing that really appeals to me. Still, it’s always a surprise. Unlike “normal” stores, Goodwill’s inventory really does change every day.

Anyway, I had some great guy’s time with my son this past weekend. For the most part, we played, read books, and took naps (staying where it was air conditioned). It was a full weekend. We did, however, venture out to Goodwill where we found this super mod chair. I’m in the process of trying to figure out what, exactly, it is. Like most things I get at Goodwill, it needs some cleaning and a touch of paint but I’m thinking it will make an excellent replacement our less-than-comfortable office chair.

Note: The cat DID not come from Goodwill. She came from the Feline Friends rescue in Indianapolis.

Canned Ham: Long Vowels

The school year is fast approaching. The family of a co-worker and friend of mine will actually be starting a homeschooling program this year. I'm excited to see how that turns out. I'm certain it will be a lot of work but, like many things that are hard work, it will be extremely rewarding.

This week's spam is only somewhat related to education but is pertinent because this same family just received their new Phonics book.

With talk or violent phonics

Off-Roadin'

I’ve posted a few entries on this in the past but, recently, I’ve been trying to take better care of my physical self. Most notable is my attempt to keep at a semi-regular running routine. I did actually run cross-country back in middle and high school. While I wasn’t overly competitive at it, I’m sure Coach Shenfeld would be embarrassed by how I’ve “let myself go”. Anyway, I genuinely do want to shape up and I’ve found that running off-road is a lot more fun than running on.

I ran on the local high school’s cross-country cross a couple times over the past few days. The excursions were painful but, also, a lot of fun. I thoroughly enjoyed the clean air, the woods, and the quiet. I even spied a doe and her fawn. The other thing I like about running in the woods is that the trees have an interesting effect. Having them “rushing past” on either side at least makes it feel like I'm really going fast even if I'm not. That sense of velocity is a good motivator. If you happen to be someone interested in running but, like me, find road running incredibly boring, I recommend finding a trail and taking a jog.

A friend of mine, a personal trainer, recently recommended Do Indiana Off-Road (DINO), an organization committed to mountain biking and trail running. They apparently host events in various parks throughout Indiana. I’m thinking I might be interested in a 5k trail run. Maybe not THIS weekend…but sometime in the future.

Book Review: Devil in the White City by Eric Larson

My wife, a brilliant librarian, recommended Devil in the White City by Eric Larson to me a long time ago but I’d managed to delay reading it until just recently. She said it was fascinating and left her thinking something to the effect of “This is so interesting, how could I not have already known about these things.” She was more eloquent than that and I eventually felt the same way about the book.

It really is fascinating. Essentially, it’s the (mostly) true tale of the building of the 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition (aka The Chicago World’s Fair) and how that history intersect with theat of the serial killer, H.H. Holmes. I say it’s only “mostly” true because there are some details (the thoughts and motivations of some characters, for instance) which are not always reliably documented. To that end, Larson bases some of the narrative on what science now knows about psychology and other, more recent, serial killers. To his credit, Larson makes it clear where he had to make assumptions/speculations. The story was thoroughly researched and the notes section of the book is as copious as anything I’ve read in many, many years. This documentation is astounding in itself.

As for the story, the incredible feats involved in just getting the World’s Fair together are awe inspiring. The horrific acts committed by Holmes are chilling. Larson captures both the best and the worst of man and his accomplishments. Likewise, 1893 Chicago is both magical and squalid--kind of made me want but to visit (but not live there).

After this, several other Larson books have been added to my "To Read" list.

Canned Ham: I'm not the only one confused

This spam is a classic and always brings a puzzled smile to my face:

She will love you more than any other guy

What does that even mean? Who is she? Is she to love me more than she loves any other guy? Or, is she going to love me more than any other guy loves me? I don't even want to think about the latter option.

Beige with Phone Envy

A friend of mine recently posted an entry to his blog regarding his new mobile phone. I don’t personally have a cell phone. My wife does and we share it as needed. It’s one of those pre-paid phones that we recharge every so often. It works well for us since 90% of our mobile phone calls are just a couple minutes long and consist mostly of statements like “I’m on my way home,” “I’m running a little late,” or “Goodwill has something really cool today”.

That brings me to the phone I did recently purchase at Goodwill. It’s pretty big. Somewhat clunky. There’s no camera. It’s anything but digital. And the ringtones are pretty much limited to loud or louder. On the plus side, unlike modern phones, you can hang-up with some real force for those times when you’re really angry with the person on the other end. It’s a tank and I’m pretty sure it’ll withstand anything the world can throw at it. Anyway, here it is. If you happen to be the one that donated it to Goodwill, I offer you my thanks.


While it’s not red, I think I can reasonably replicate the Batphone per these instructions. I’m sure I’ll have to tweak the details a bit. Maybe make the LEDs point down rather than just housing them inside the phone. I’m half tempted to install it in my car.

UPDATE

I can't not post this. The Make blog has an entry about a rotary mobile phone. The videos of it mounted on the dashboard of a car are great.

Oldies but Goodies

I like old things. Old cars. Old motorcycles. Old furniture. Old people. Explains the whole "retro" part of "Retro Brett," doesn't it? When we moved to the apartment, it was a little sad that so much of our old/old-themed things had to go into storage. I know it's silly but I'm really looking forward breaking open that storage locker. The things I miss most? Well, here's the list.

1. Late 60s/Early 70s Sears Spyder. Maybe our best ever Goodwill find. It’s a 24 inch, 5-speed, glittery pink banana seat bike. It took a lot of effort to clean it up (new tires, tubes, cables, white cable housings, brakes, and a lot of polishing compound).



2. Late 60s/Early 70s Huffy. Another banana seat bike from Goodwill. Smaller than the Spyder. I rode it to work once and my back hurt for days. The wicked wheelies I can pull on it are worth the pain. Again, major cleaning and fixing up involved.

3. Arcade Cabinet. I finished this a few years ago so it's not technically old. It does, however, play a ton of classic arcade games…even does so legally. Each player has a joystick and ten buttons. That’s 28 switches between the two players. With two wires per switch and two connections per wire…sheesh…that’s 112 tiny, tiny soldered connections. Sorry for the bragging. My wife and I are fond of Asteroids.

4. Bookcase. My first attempt at building real furniture. Sliding doors. Low and long. Again, not really old but it's definitely a throwback to Mid-century modern design à la Brett.

5. Drawing table. Not old. Doesn't even look old. Still, I miss it.

6. 1984 Tomos Bullet A3 moped. Serious restoration on this one. I call it the Star Spangler. So lame it's cool.

Canned Ham: Ouch

In my offering of the greatest spam email subject lines I've received, I need to note one thing: I am not correcting any spelling or other grammatical errors made in the text. Sometimes, those errors are the best part.

This one caught me off guard:

You missed your Pain tolerancy test on friday

Yeah, about that test, Doctor…I probably don’t need to reschedule that.

Who, exactly, was the sender trying to lure? Were they thinking they just might reach someone that really did miss a pain tolerance appointment?

Fitness to get the Heart Racing

There's a cemetery across the street from my apartment complex. I went jogging on its paths last night when it was already a little dark and stormy. Is that creepy? It didn't feel too creepy. In any case, it was a great run and I'm feeling pretty good about it.

As a side note, my previous comments about running and the zombie uprising have prompted me to refer to the workout as "going on patrol".

Book Review: Perelandra by C.S. Lewis

First, a note…Perelandra is the second book in C.S. Lewis’ space trilogy. The first being titled Out of the Silent Planet and the third being That Hideous Strength. I have read but have not reviewed the first book. I should but it's been a couple months since I finished it. I would, however, highly recommend reading it.

So, Perelandra…wow. This is a powerful book. Reading it took me a long time—not because I didn’t like it or because it was “slow” but because I could only read a few pages until my brain felt overwhelmed. It’s deep. It’s difficult. It’s incredibly fulfilling. Many parts I had to reread…sometimes because I couldn’t wrap my brain around what was being said but, other times, because I simply enjoyed the story and the writing. After every stint at reading Perelandra, I felt spent. Like I'd been tensed up for the duration.

Essentially, Perelandra is an Adam and Eve story. Without giving away too much, the main character, Ransom, is transported to a “new” planet. There he meets the planet’s Eve. Not only that, he meets Eve’s tempter. The dialog between Ransom, Eve, and the evil one is fascinating and it goes a long way to putting into words the temptations we face everyday.

[Warning: slight spoiler ahead]

I also found it…invigorating, I guess…that the evil one is not defeated (and Eve saved) by Ransom’s human reasoning. No. Ransom, empowered by God, thrashes the evil one. It’s a throw down. A slug fest you might see in Rocky or Rocky II. Probably Rocky III. The fight in Rocky IV is pretty good, too. Anyway, not all battles with the evil one are nicey-nice, intellectual debates. He's the great deceiver and his lies can be incredibly convincing. Don't think Satan will hesitate to fight dirty. It's his forte. But, with God, we can take what Satan dishes out. We win.

Of course, if you read the book, you'll have to supply your own Survivor music.

Goodbye De-Luxe Apartment

Alright! We found a house! Barring some kind of extreme unforeseen circumstances, we should be moving to Fishers within the next month. Interestingly, the place isn’t really what we were looking for. Initially (and throughout most of the house search), we had been looking for an older house. Something with swank. Something with a good sized yard. Most likely a ranch.

What we found, instead, is a newer 2-story house, smack in the middle of a housing addition. We walked through it last weekend and liked it a lot. It worked for us. The price was right. And, even though it didn’t “look” like what we wanted, it “did” everything we needed. We liked it even more after the nearly flawless inspection last week. Specifically, here’s how the place weighed in:

1. It has a tiny yard but there are two parks (one provided by the housing addition and one by the town of Fishers) just a short walk away. We’re minutes away from playgrounds, a place to picnic, and even baseball diamonds. All without me having to mow a baseball field-sized yard. Maybe I'll even check out a reel-style mower.

2. It’s smaller than the house we had before but that’s actually a good thing. We wanted less wasted space and we’re hoping it to keep our family close…physically, at least. Even still, it’s big enough for us, our hobbies (sewing machine, drawing table, workbench), and our friends when they visit. Besides, it’s less space to heat, cool, and clean.

3. It’s newer than we wanted but it’s also more efficient than most of the things we looked at. Newer windows. Newer furnace.

4. It’s on a slab. No worries about a crawlspace infested with mold, mice, or C.H.U.D.

5. It’s in a great neighborhood. There’s a family we’re close with from church whose house we can actually see from our driveway. They truly know their neighbors and, from what we understand, the neighbors are awesome…a real community. They even vacation together. Amazing. We’ve already got planned babysitting nights set up.

6. It’s a reasonable commute for me to go to work. And it’s only minutes from my wife’s job…close enough that, on the weekends she works, I can drop her off or she can ride her bike without our trading cars.

7. The public library is a bike ride away.

8. Close to church.

9. Close to everything else we actually care about…HamCo’s Recycling center, Super Target, Hardware stores, Greek’s Pizzeria, etc.

10. The price was right where we wanted it. The savings puts us a few years ahead in our saving for college and retirement. Enough so that more having more kids is not a financial question. It also frees us to pursue other things that weren’t previously quite as feasible...a lower paying/more fulfilling job for me, maybe more school, adoption, more charity, or even a big project like the restoration of an old car. Add to that the lower utility bills, and it’s a score.

11. The house has been well maintained. The water heater is only a couple years old. The roof was new with last year’s hail storms.

All this adds up to a house that’s move in ready and doesn’t consume either a) all our money or b) all our time. We’re pumped!

Canned Ham

Like most people, I generally despise the junk email that fills my mailbox. So, I applaud the advancements made in targeting and filtering out such spam. Still, there's a part of me that misses some of the mail. That part of me...is the funny part of me.

I'd be fine with eliminating all spam were it not for the 1% of all these messages that actually brighten my day. These elite messages feature humorous, intriguing, and ofter downright confusing subject lines. Oh, I don't open the messages. I'm not crazy. But over the last several years, I've archived the best of the subject lines. That's where this blog comes in. It seems like the perfect place to share this tidbits of humor. I hope my 4 loyal readers enjoy them as much as I do.

Today, I bring to you the subject line that started it all: [drum roll]

Wonderful Dynamic Equity Reportduckling

I received this, interestingly, at a time while I was busy designing many, many reports for work. Anyway, what's a "Reportduckling"? Why are they dynamic? Equity? To all these questions, I answer "Idunno". In any case, here's a nice Report Duckling sketch drawn by a friend of mine.

Book Review: 2 Amazing Stories

Why didn’t anyone tell me that reading non-fiction could be fun?! Seriously, I stumbled upon a couple good reads recently.

The first was titled John Ringo: The Gunfighter Who Never Was by Jack Burrows. It’s the story of a man seemingly lost in not only the Old West but also in popular culture. The biography was interesting in the fact that Ringo has to be one of the most famous unknown people of the west. He shows up in just about any book or movie, that involves the Earp brothers. But, more often than not, he’s only used to provide the perfect foil to Wyatt Earp. In fact, he was a real person...just one that no one really knows. So, he can be written to be whatever is needed to make a good story. Usually these depictions are tainted more by a historian’s opinion of Earp than they are actually representative of Ringo, the man. If the writer is an Earp fan, Ringo is a cowardly drunk. If they aren’t, Ringo is a chivalrous marksman feared by all. In the midst of that, he’s everything in between. In the end, Ringo is still a mystery. But, even while I still feel I only know what Ringo is not, I thoroughly enjoyed the book.

The second book was titled Treasure Islands by Cameron Platt and John Wright. This book follows the search for several buried treasures in addition to filling in the actual stories behind the treasure. I tell you what, those pirates were brilliant and crazy. Some of the ingenious lengths they went to in order to hide their stash is incredible. Amazing engineering, traps, and viscous backstabbing abound. And that was just the treasure hunters. The pirates, themselves, actually come off looking pretty good. I think my favorite account was one involving a treasure on Mahé island. The treasure (still undiscovered as of the publishing of the book) was supposedly hidden somewhere on the island but what makes it interesting are the clues. In various places on the island are hidden clue, one pointing to the next, that loosely follow the 12 labors of Hercules. Bravo to Olivier La Bouche (aka La Buse, The Buzzard) for making his loot worth reading about.

Book Review: It’s Superman by Tom De Haven

I finished reading It’s Superman by Tom De Haven awhile ago but I’m just now getting around to wrapping up the review and posting it. Anyway, before reading the book, I perused the reviews on Amazon.com and I was not surprised to see several very negative comments. Whenever someone takes a new look at a much loved and established character like Superman someone isn’t going to like it. I, on the other hand, really enjoyed the book. Here’s why:

1. I really liked the setting. Seriously, if the concept of guys running around in tights is going to work (if it ever does), it really needs to be against the backdrop of circus strongmen, Flash Gordon serials, and dirigibles…all of which are sadly lacking in today’s society. While I have very much enjoyed the recent influx of superhero movies (i.e. Batman Begins, Superman Returns, X-Men, Spiderman, etc)--I even like the somewhat updated costumes--it’s hard for me to picture them in the modern world. Have you ever seen the production still of these movies? You know, Spiderman eating a bagel or Superman reading the paper. Ridiculous. I’m only reasonably sure some movie lighting and editing would help. I’m absolutely sure that throwing a tommy-gun-toting racketeer into background would do it.

2. I like that the story gets the reader from Clark Kent to Superman. That is, there’s a transition between the two. The movies tend to give us the Superman. TV’s Smallville gives us Clark. What they often don’t do is meld the two. If I see Superman in a movie, it’s hard for me to envision him growing up on a farm. Likewise, I love Smallville but the Clark Kent portrayed isn’t the kind of guy to put on tights and a cape. It’s Superman not only explains how Clark gets to Metropolis but it even explains the cape and the S on the chest.

3. I liked that the Superman and the world of the story, is in keeping with my understanding of the original Superman created by Jerry Siegal and Joe Shuster. So much of the current incarnation of Superman gives us the good guy/boy scout/black and white feel. Not that the original Superman wasn’t a swell guy but he was a greater reflection of the time period in which we was born. He didn’t simply “right wrongs” but he actually had fun with his powers. He could make smart comments and he had no qualms about giving a thug a good thrashing. Amazon’s reader often criticized It’s Superman for straying from the Superman story and, yes, there were liberties taken but I’m thinking it was actually more in line with the feel of the original. If you read some of the original comic strips, it’s pretty surprising.

4. The characters are multi-dimensional. And, no, this does not mean the story spans multiple dimensions.

5. It makes it clear that Clark has a hard time “fitting in.” Not everything is a breeze for the man of steel.

6. I simply enjoyed the writing.

So there you have it. A good read if you're a Superman fan.

Batman Battles the Ottoman Empire!

An exciting event occurred this past weekend. Batman was in town! In fact, he was visiting the local Ashley Furniture store, chillin’ with the citizens of Westfield, and grillin’ inside his tights (it was a sweltering afternoon). Batman was even kind enough to let his fans take a seat in the Batmobile!

So, Jesse met his first superhero and Dad was there with the camera. It was a good time. I was careful NOT to accidentally refer to Batman as Bru…I mean...never mind.

The Longest 400 Seconds of My Life

After warming up with a short jog, I hit the track last night. Utilizing the wicked slick sports watch I got for Father’s Day, I clocked myself at a 6:39 mile. Ok, so it wasn’t quite 400 seconds. Very close, though.

While certainly not horrible, that’s really not that great. Especially since I only ran a mile. That is, my goal was to run 1 (and ONLY 1) mile and it wasn’t part of a 5K or anything. Here’s what I learned from the experience:

1. I am out of shape. Those middle 800 meters hurt like the dickens. My legs didn’t feel that bad but I thought my lungs were on fire. My cardiovascular strength needs the most help.

2. I am simply out of practice. It’s been so long since I’ve run a mile (and paid attention to the distance) that I had difficulty estimating what I could do. Am I running too fast? If I speed up, will I collapse? When it was done, I’m pretty sure I had a little left to give. Had I known, I definitely would’ve pushed myself a bit more.

Anyway, it wasn’t a bad run. There’s certainly room for improvement and now I know.